Inhuman Swill

In the years since the Mormon material came down from my site, my ratio of clueless-to-clued-in email has dropped considerably. In fact, back in the old, old days, I had a feature called "Postmarked: Clueless" at the site that was devoted specifically to dissecting the most clueless of those emails. My favorite of all those emails was the first one I ever posted, from back in 1996. On a page linking to other ex-Mormons, I had written a little squib about the porn star Brandy Alexandre in which I praised her site for its "wit and intelligence," and for its "dearth of dirty pictures."

Ms. Alexandre herself sent me email to complain about what I had said about her:

Please do not advertise that my web site has "a dirth of dirty pictures". It does not and I'm proud of the fact that it gets so many hits each month without them.

What are you gonna do?

Sometimes I miss honest, old-fashioned cluelessness like that. Fortunately, this morning's mailbag brought me this gem, which may not be quite as amusing but does indicate a serious misreading of what my manuscript format page is all about:

Subject: Editing Services

Dear Mr. Shunn,

I read your bio and I was very impressed. I need someone to edit my non fiction promotional plan. I have an agent who is interested in seeing my work. I noticed your address in New York. I prefer to send my promotional plan by register mail. Is this the correct address: William Shunn, 12 Courier Lane, Pica's Font, NY. 10010 ?? If not, please instruct me otherwise. You were going to be a priest? Interesting. So am I.

God Bless,

What can I do but point him to the back pages of Writer's Digest? Thank you, internets. You have restored my faith in humanity.